My Mother - An Angel on Earth

My Mother’s parents were originally from 福建省 Fujian Province , 南安 Nan Aun County , China . I addressed them as 公公 Grand Father and 婆婆 Grand Mother. They migrated from China to Malaya in the early 1900 and settled in Kroh which was the original name of my home town. Nowadays it is called Pengkalan Hulu, North Perak, Malaysia. My Mum was born in Kroh on 中華民國 14 年 4 月16 日which was equivalent to 1925 in the Gregorian Calendar. Her maiden name was 黃金意 (Ong Kim Ee) and she was beautiful, gentle and kind.

公公 婆婆 媽媽

Mum got married on 中華民國 31 年 10 月 3 日 at 12 noon, which was equivalent to 1942 in the Western Calendar. On her wedding day she was only 17 years old. It must have been a very grand occasion because my family was quite well known in the town. It would not be incorrect to assume that the whole town was invited to a big feast to celebrate with the young couple. Unlike the modern certificate the original Marriage Certificate was very colourful and special indeed!

In the wedding group photograph there was a noticeable absence of woman folks except for the bride and bridesmaid. That clearly showed the accepted tradition and custom at the time when men dominated and women were pushed to the background.

In addition, since my father (爸爸) was the only son, there was exceptionally high expectation of my mother especially from my grand father (爺爺) and grand mother (奶奶). My grand parents came from 廣東省 Guangdong Province, 台山 Tai Shan County whereas my Mum's parents came from 福建省 Fujian Province , 南安 Nan Aun County. The Taishan and Fujian dialects are tot ally different. That presented a huge challenge for my Mum as she could not understand or speak our family dialect. She had to learn a new "language" in a real hurry.

Map of China

In accordance with the custom and tradition at the time my grand parents were very strict about family roles. My grandma being the matriarch of the family had supreme power despite the fact that socially women were perceived to be submissive at the time. Grandma could be extremely demanding at the best of times and Mum had a really hard time at the beginning, compounded by the communication difficulties.

爺爺 奶奶 爸爸

Fortunately my Mum was blessed with this very unique quality, a quality a lot of us would aspire to have. She was able to accept the situation and her role and responsibilities totally and did her very best under the circumstances. This acceptance had freed her from the anxieties and conflicts which were very real at the time and allowed her to live in harmony and carry out her duties to the best of her abilities.

Mum had nine children all together. But unfortunately my elder sister (Mei Cheun) and elder brother (Seng Lee) passed away at an early age. I could not imagine how sad and devastating that was for Mum. After Mum gave birth to my elder sister in Penang, grandma asked her to go back to Kroh to work and employed a servant to take care of the baby in Penang. It was very sad Mum was not permitted to take care of her own daughter. Unfortunately my elder sister passed away while she was still a baby possibly due to lack of love and proper care. That's possibly why I do not have any recollection of ever knowing her.

At the time, my grandma believed "death" was a real taboo and she went to great length in protecting and shielding her grand children from any death in the family. She even went to the extend of cutting away images from family photographs. As a result I could not find any photo of my deceased elder sister. Luckily I was able to find one group photograph with my elder brother Seng Lee (勝利). Seng Lee passed away when he was about 12 years old due to a defective heart condition.

Photo: Mum feeding one of her children, He was really enjoying his food

Group Photo: (Left to Right) Soon Lee, Jip Hoe, Howe Nooi, Ban Lee, Hup Lee, [Seng Lee], and my cousins: Charn Hoong & [Charn Woo]

Only since I began my Tao Cultivation I started to "see" and appreciate the wonders and greatness in my Mother. Mum had all these wonderful qualities which I had taken for granted all these years! She lived a purposeful and virtuous life. She seemed so untouched by the egoistic world, just like a lotus rising up through the mud but not contaminated by it. In fact I believe she was a great example of how we can live our life in accordance with the five important virtues: Benevolence (仁), Righteousness (義), Propriety (禮), Wisdom (智) and Faith (信).

Benevolence 仁

Mum was the kindest person I have ever known and that is not an exaggeration. Throughout my childhood to my adult life I could not remember any instances when she raised her voice in anger against me or any of my brothers or sisters. She had a way of discipline which was based more on love rather than fear and that was quite a revelation especially during the period when corporal punishment was an accepted method of discipline. Her kindness and caring did not stop after we stepped over the "threshold" of childhood. I remember fondly a number of times she cared for me when I was sick. It was with the same tenderness and attention she gave to a child even though I was already an adult. Once I went back for holiday with my young family from Australia and I fell sick. Mum took care of me without any hesitation liked she always did. I remembered she had this special method for extracting toxin from the body. She used to crash up couple of hard boiled eggs with these extremely smelly herb ( 臭草 Herba Rutae / Common Rue Herb), wrapped them in a piece of cloth and rubbed it all over my body to extract the toxin. It was a very soothing experience.

Family Photo: (Back row) Howe Nooi, Hup Lee, Charn Hoong, Soon Lee & [Charn Woo]

Family Photo: (Front row) Jip Hoe, See Hoe, [Mother], Ban Lee, [Father], [Grand father], Sam Nooi, [Grand mother], [Uncle] & [Auntie]

Righteousness 義

Mum was a simple person and you could even say she was simple-minded. But don't be misled. People with simple mind are blessed because they possess the child-like quality and they are closer to God. I am sure Mum didn't know intellectually what "righteousness" means. But she "knew" instinctively what to do - "it is the things you do that prove whether you are righteous or not". She was honest and sincere in dealing with people. Self sacrifice was another virtue that seemed to come naturally to Mum. She always gave the best to her family especially her children. For example when eating fish she would always give the children the meat and she would eat the fish head and the remains. She would always eat last after everyone else had finished. Then she would clear the table and wash the dishes.

Righteousness also involves standing up for the right things, even if that invites persecution. Some of the treatments she received from my Grandma seemed so cruel and unfair but Mum stood up for what she believed was the right thing i.e. filial piety (孝) towards my grand parents, despite the rather harsh treatments at times. For example, my father often went travelling overseas for business or holiday and Mum was always asked to join him on the trips. But on many occasions Mum refused to go because she believed her filial piety towards my grand parents and taking care of the family were much more important.

Loyalty was another great quality Mum possessed. Her loyalty to my father and her family was unquestionable. She was faithful to my father till the end. This righteous way of living enabled Mum to live a life full of honourable integrity 德 which is one of the Four Feminine Virtues.

Propriety 禮

Mum was a gentle and softly spoken person. My father through all his good work and contributions to society was awarded the title: Dato Seri which was one of the highest honours you could received from the Sultan of the State of Perak, Malaysia. My Mum was addressed by everyone as Datin Seri, a very high honour indeed. But despite the fame she remained humble and never bragged about her status.

Mum had Presentable Appearance 容 which is one of the four Feminine Virtues. Her dress-code was very presentable and with simple elegance. She was never a fashion "junky". She was polite and respectful when dealing with people including family members. She possessed Prudent Speech 言 which is another one of the Four Feminine Virtues. As a result everyone who knew her respected her.

Wisdom 智

Because of her simple view of life and uncomplicated approach to life Mum was relatively free from the contamination of the egoistic world around her. Her child-like quality seemed to be relatively un-scarred. The ways she brought up the children, the ways she lived her everyday life, the decisions she made, her compassion and care for others etc, etc, seemed to indicate that she had direct access to her inner wisdom, knowingly or unknowingly.

A recent photo of Mum's Birthday dinner during 2005 in Penang with family members

Faith 信

Mum had a very sincere and full-hearted commitment to her family from day one. This resulted in her strong faith in the family and faith in herself to be able to fully honour her commitment. This faith had helped her through many difficulties and challenges e.g. loosing two of her children at an early age. She was a good example of: "Heaven will never forsake us when we live a righteous and virtuous life".

A recent photo of Mum's 2005 Birthday dinner in Penang with family members and Auntie Hoe Gu and [Uncle Wah Tai].

Feminine Virtues

Out of the four Feminine Virtues: Honourable Integrity (德), Prudent Speech (言), Presentable Appearance (容) and Refined Skills (工) Mum was particularly prominent in the last virtue i.e.

Refined Skills 工

Mum had to learn a completely new dialect when she married into my family. We all know how difficult it is to learn a new language normally, let alone learning it under pressure and time constraint. But Mum was able to master it within months. Mum was a quiet achiever. She was extremely hard working and she didn't like to trouble other people unnecessarily. She did everything (*) by herself wherever possible. Even in this area of refined skills where she excelled, Mum still had to endure some very harsh treatment. For example, in the early days Mum had to use firewood to cook rice. One day father bought a rice cooker from Penang for her so that it was easier for her to cook rice. But Grandma refused to eat the rice she cooked using the rice cooker and she insisted that Mum recooked the rice using firewood.

In order to be independent and less reliant on others Mum decided to learn to ride a motor scooter. When she passed her licence the children bought her a motor scooter. She travelled everywhere on her scooter. With her scooter she was able to do her shopping at the market, went to the shops, went visiting friends or simply went for a ride.

Mum brought up 8 children single-handedly with minimal help from my father. She seemed to have all the necessary life skills to do the job. But I believe her most valuable "skill" was unconditional love for the children.

My mother’s cooking was delicious. My favourite was pork porridge in the morning for breakfast before I went to school. Everyone loved Mum’s Chinese New Year cakes and Durian cakes. During Chinese New Year we all had great time helping Mum to make new year cakes, cookies and biscuits. My favourite was kueh kapit or Love Letters – cookies that laterally melt in your mouth.

She basically managed two households (her own and my grand parent's) with all the chores that came with them e.g. cleaning, cooking, relationships, maintenance, repairs etc. etc. One of the family friends actually commented that Mum was an excellent "handy person".

(*) Over the years Mum had learned a lot of skills and became competent in the following areas: flower gardening, fruit plantation, vegetable gardening, cooking, sewing, minor house repairs, 1st aid, managing a rubber plantation, managing the family finance etc. But most of all she knew how to look after and care for everyone in the family.

Good Bye and Peaceful Journey

All the children, their spouses and most of the grand children were able to be at Mum's side to comfort her and help to put her heart at peace. Mother passed away peacefully at home on Monday, 2^nd April 2007 at 10.20am.

The funeral was held on Wednesday, 4^th April 2007 at 11.00am. Many people came to pay their respect for the lady who touched so many lives in a very humble, gentle and unpretentious way.

Mum was put to rest beside my father at the Kroh Chinese Cemetery. A beautiful resting place in the bosom of Mother Nature, with a great classical 背山面水 Feng Shui position.

Mum, may you embark on your new journey with a peaceful heart and be guided by Buddha and the heavenly beacon. Thank you for all the goodness, love and kindness you have brought into this world and into our lives. We will all miss you and we will always keep you in our hearts.

Your loving children:

[Mei Cheun], [Seng Lee], Soon Lee, Hup Lee, Howe Nooi, Jip Hoe, Ban Lee, Sam Nooi and See Hoe